muse

searching for truth, for answers, for happiness, for the meaning to life. 

i question the vanity that is life. how we are born, made to study and learn academics, and then thrown out into the world to work and toil away. 

and then there are the little gaps in between, interims, where we are bound by duty to fulfill. i ask, “is there a bigger purpose to all these? show me the meaning to all these.”

I wanna find the meaning to all that. 

sometimes I feel like I have too much on my plate; so much unwanted burdens, it’s not fair. I curse, I blame others for their lack of responsibility. but ultimately, I can’t turn my back and leave without feeling a shred of remorse and compassion. I have given my best and lost my conviction and faith because of that. ain’t nothing else to do but silently press on, march on. life goes on

I’ve learned to shut up and avoid much disappointments that way. but then, there’s so much I wanna say, so I bite my tongue to hold it back. but sometimes my fingers can’t stop themselves from expressing themselves over the keypad/keyboard.

to write the truth, expose lies, and answer mysteries with the power of the pen
-mass media & journalism

she’s got the most intense blue eyes, such a pretty smile, and an even more beautiful personality. she absolutely loves shopping, doesn’t really like ice cream, and likes spaghetti and alfredo pasta. she hates beer, doesn’t really party, and sober cabs her party-crazy friends too.

but i think she’s gorgeous :) 

I’m all out of listening ears; I’ll just let my fingers speak for me now. 

I’m tired, stressed out. I’m cold, hungry, and my head hurts bad. 

I want to go home, physically, but my mind is already home, trying to fit myself in your shoes, actually really tired of all the bullshit going on. I just feel like leaving everything behind and go somewhere where nothing will bother me but just for a little while and I’ll be back. 

I’ve tried putting everyone else over myself, caring more for family, friends, and people. But when I need a listening ear, I can’t find one. I just want a true friend without all the constant alcohol, drugs, parties, and drama. 

I’m tired of cleaning up their mess, trying to help make things sounds right, trying to make them get along. all this while I’m 12,000miles away, trying to help them communicate between them. how can it be that the people who make you the happiness can also make you the saddest. I can’t say “I told you so” and watch as you hurt yourself all over again. I don’t care what you do, I just want you to be happy but somehow you just don’t choose happiness. 

I just want to close my eyes and want this to be over. five years now…